when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
