$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
