Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
