It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
