My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
