There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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