Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
