u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
