Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
