Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My room smells like vodka and shame
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They are going to name an STD after you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
