he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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