Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
