hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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