Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
