My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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