I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
