ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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