Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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