R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
