if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
