Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
