how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
