My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your cock deserves a montage
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
