oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
