Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
