if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
