Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
