I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
