I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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