we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
