Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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