Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
