$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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