just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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