You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
