the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
