Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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