Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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