Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I love having hate sex.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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