The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
