my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
