i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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