I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
