If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
