hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
