I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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