I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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