Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
