even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
