clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize