drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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