I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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