Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
