I just pynch a tree in the face
Soap is not a condiment
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
