I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
