drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
