Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Everything about him screamed your future.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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