Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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