things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize