she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
