i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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