Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
God I need to hump something, right now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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