i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
