I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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