that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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