I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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