Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
