capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I party with great urgency now.
i out mim tonsoeep
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
