Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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