The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize