have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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