Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
