the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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